


ebb and flow

by orphan_account



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, Romance, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, past!yutae, thefreakquick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-05
Updated: 2018-03-05
Packaged: 2019-03-27 10:51:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13879323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: every time your soulmate cries, a flower appears on your skin.





	ebb and flow

**Author's Note:**

> for Kelley :D i hope you like this and it makes you happy! <3  
> rated m for a teeny tiny part

Jaehyun has little number of flowers on his skin.

That either tells him his soulmate doesn’t cry at all or that they’re just a great emotionally stable human being or might be pretty numbed out to ever cry so often, he doesn’t bother pondering much over it. The flowers—calla lilies, emerge from the line of Jaehyun’s waist; they are exquisite, soft flowers that decorate the pale skin on his lean frame and Jaehyun guesses they’re more of something suited to his soulmate than they would him, he doesn’t even like flowers or understand why calla lilies would represent his soulmate bond.

He figures it’s a good thing that his soulmate tattoos don’t take up so much space, otherwise he’d constantly be reminded of needles while bathing. Natural tattoos like these are enough for him, and that he’s learnt after sitting beside Ten, watching him take in needle after needle for tattoos.

The whole ‘soulmate’ and related jargon seems okay, his friends talk about it often, fascinated by the intricacies of the branches on their skin and what they might symbolise, they are a popular mandatory element for every other romantic drama and so Jaehyun does think about his soulmate, like a normal person would.

Not once however, does he give a thought about who they might be or whether Jaehyun might like them or not, he’s not versed with the matters of the heart (or _soul_ in this case) and if he does someday feel struck with arrow of random inspiration and go on to find his soulmate like a prince on quest, he knows he’s in for ridiculousness.

Jaehyun can’t just feel a new mark growing with pain on his skin when he sees a random person crying and then go over and say, ‘yo we’re soulmates. ‘sup.’ He’s not complaining about the whole _your soulmate’s tears are the flowers on you_ arrangement but something a bit more convenient would’ve been nicer.

 _Well thanks nature, I guess?_ Jaehyun thinks, legs dangling off the rocking chair on the porch. No, he’s not fifty but he does enjoy the rocking chair he’d made whilst lacking better things to do in carpentry class since he was way ahead of everyone and their damn birdhouses and clocks. Jaehyun’s made thirty birdhouses and all of them are filled with food receipts.

“Ma can I go meet Yuta-hyung?” he yells louder than the sound of his mom rearranging the shelves, barely saving the drop of all the utensils and cutlery in them when Jaehyun startles her.

“You’ll get there when the school building locks up,” his mother reminds him that it was too late for him to go. That warden is lethal when it comes to the curfew or just about anything relating to the boys. Times like this are when Jaehyun gets annoyed at Yuta for constantly refusing to spend the weekend at any place other than his dorm room of doom. Hell, if he asked his dad, Yuta would stay with his family and not spend his school mornings before the stinking broken bath stalls and deal with bad overnight singing from the senior’s rooms. Yuta had told him that the level of mindfucking that happens in senior year will probably even make them turn into nightly brazen lyres, singing their education perpetuated sanity and stress away. Jaehyun’s skipped two grades but hearing that makes him want to purposely fail just to avoid it.

Jaehyun peeps indoors through the window. There’s one shelf moved to the centre of the room, blocking all possible movement and rotation for other shelves. His dad’s going to be home tomorrow which means she’ll probably spend the next few hours exercising her strength in vain or thinking of some strategy to deal with all of this and Jaehyun’s decided that he’s going to be a brat today, thinking of sneak over to the school dorms already.

 _“Jaehyun! Come help me for a second_!” and his mother’s call makes him trip due to the abrupt stop in his tracks. He takes reluctant little steps back inside the house.

Well, if things look like this, he’ll probably remain a non-rebellious good boy his entire life.

That’s what he believes, for not once has he done anything remotely close to pissing his parents off. Yuta, who fills his ears with tales of dares (like sneaking in a fireworks in blasting them right while everyone was eating in the mess room so that the warden never knew who did it); Jaehyun is contrastingly less adventurous even though he enjoys the same things as Yuta does. He learns a lot from Yuta, having never met another who takes on the world with a smile. Jaehyun may have to look into investigating whether he’s some secret superhero or not later.

He’s in the middle of suggesting that his mom and he move the side table on the right out of the room before they begin jamming all ceiling high shelves together and make a mess when his right side makes him jerk in pain.

It stings like a cut and Jaehyun could’ve sworn it was appendicitis but when he lifts his shirt, he finds a new soulmate mark.

It’s quite large, most of it disappearing lower beneath the hem of his pants. His mother stares, concerned. She remembers the little flowers from when Jaehyun was four months old, it’s strange that the flowers are so little. Jaehyun on the other hand looks at the new one, rubbing his finger over it once it pains no more.

“I wish they wouldn’t hurt so much,” he fumes, holding his head and then breathing out, “It’s late, I’ll do the rest tomorrow...what do you want for dinner Mom?”

She thumps his back, guides her fourteen year old son to the kitchen, “Let’s see what we can make together then.”

 

 

“You should go to the principal’s office and get your name changed to _Nakamoto Busy_ ‘cause you’re always so _busy,”_ Jaehyun throws the ball at him with a poor aim to hit but Yuta knees it up to his head with ease, laughing loudly at his friend seated on the bleachers. They’re on the grounds for the seniors only and when the skies are ashen, wind so gentle and freedom given to have a silent spot like this, both feel delighted with the benefits of having become high school seniors finally.

Jaehyun pretends to be annoyed at how cool Yuta is when he handles the ball and that that he’s even able to talk while doing it, “Jaehyun, I’m not saying I don’t want to go see that interspecies romance movie—”

 _“The Shape of Water,”_ Jaehyun corrects.

“Okay whatever,” he pauses and leaps in the spot beside him, “But see I’m the captain of the soccer team, I can’t skip practice and our schedules always overlap.”

Jaehyun’s eyebrows are raised and Yuta knows he’s unimpressed but he’s really running out of reasons now.

“Yeah. Fine forget it hyung,” Jaehyun says, wondering why Yuta was so obsessed with the sport, the teams here and around here get nowhere not that Jaehyun’s doubting Yuta’s capabilities as sportsperson and captain, “I don’t even know why you give your all to this. The coach hasn’t shown up since last year.”

“Your point?”

“Is that nobody on this team is as passionate about soccer as you. They’re just...dragging you down,” Jaehyun tells. For a beat Yuta is surprised but that goes away, overridden with the trademark smile and Jaehyun frowns, more to himself than at Yuta. He knows how badly Yuta wants to play, how much he deserves to be on a team that on his level instead of one that makes him do all the work and never shows up for practice and every year he has to see the lights in Yuta’s eyes remain the same as they pass a street having a television shop with a soccer match on display.

“Are you asking me to give up then?” he asks softly. Jaehyun looks at the brown eyes and then parses the various hues hidden in them.

“I’m asking you not to strain yourself over something that’ll get you nowhere now,” Jaehyun emphasises on the futility of continuing, “work to get to a better team in college and who knows maybe you’ll make it to the nationals then.”

Yuta remains silent before saying, “You can’t ask me to give up.”

“I can ask you to think about your grades and a wasted passion,” comes out Jaehyun’s mouth before he can revise and Yuta stands up sonorously, bangs lidded over eyes.

“I know I’m not getting anywhere with this shitty highschool team and I know I’m not going to get into a good college with grades like mine and honestly you don’t get to tell me what I should do.”

“Hyung I’m saying what’s best—”

“Oh come on, how would you know anything about how much this means to me or—or how hard it is to—fuck just,” Yuta heaves out an irate sigh, running fingers over his face before he’s hopping to the uppermost bleacher to pack up his bag, muttering to himself some words Jaehyun can’t make out.

He grabs hold of his arm, “I’m only trying to—”

“No,” Yuta takes it back, “you’re not helping. Don’t get in my way.”

Jaehyun ignores the burns on the hand Yuta had just shaken off, “Fine. Suit yourself.”

Once Yuta turns he grumbles something like _‘I really wish I had a soulmate right now. At least they would understand’_ under his breath and entirely to himself but sharp ears are one of the many things Jaehyun has.

And the shock leaves him standing in the field till Chenle snaps him out of it, coming out from the gymnasium. He asks for ice cream and Jaehyun obliges, more on impulse than anything else because his consciousness seems to have left him and gone away into the void. A void that remains till he gets home. It’s strange how few words one didn’t mean could dismantle something built up over years of exchanging genuine words they did mean.

 

 

“Dad?”

“Yes, Jaehyun. What is it?”

“About that boarding school you were talking about earlier...”

 

 

 

“Jaehyunnie didn’t show up today,” Ten says, screeching his ass over the staircase railing and sliding down while Yuta stepped down towards his classroom.

“Like I care,” he grunts, “Can you get down like a normal person?”

“Yes.”

Yuta glares at him when Ten continues to slide down nevertheless, “I thought you said yes.”

He rolls his eyes, “What I meant was _yes you do care_ and no I won’t get down like a normal person. You’re weird if you’ve never used a railing as a slide.”

“I do _not_ care,” Yuta stresses, stomping on ahead, “his mother told me he’s out with his dad to get admitted to a boarding school. Gone with the wind.”

 _That_ makes Ten stop sliding or maybe it was the Principal standing and chatting round the corner with a couple of other school staff that did it but whatever it was, it was astonishing enough to cease Yuta’s second hand embarrassment.

“I know you guys had an argument yesterday but he just walked out like that. That’s terrible.”

“My thoughts exactly,” Yuta concludes, “I’ll catch up with you after school.”

Ten keeps standing in the hallway, his mouth twisted in a way that Yuta thinks resembles Johnny’s parental stare.

“You don’t have to keep acting like it’s all okay—”

“It _is_ okay,” Yuta enunciates, “it’s not the first time we’ve fought. But if he’s taken a hard hit then he should’ve thought about me and how I was feeling and that— _I’m_ the one who’s supposed to be feeling bad and having a dramatic school transfer but I’m not doing that right Ten? That’s why I’m _fucking okay.”_

Somewhere from behind Kun’s arm creeps up and whacks Yuta on the head with a binder, “Don’t fucking swear at school.”

“I need a new lab partner,” Yuta groans to himself quietly before saying, “Bye. I’ll be late at our usual spot, gotta beat some sense into that kid who bullied Winwin.”

“You might want to reconsider the violence..what if they remove you from the captain position?” Ten voices his concern.

Yuta glumly turns back into the class after saying, “I don’t want to be captain; for all I care, this team can go fuck itself.”

 

 

Nakamoto Yuta never makes it to the nationals.

You might give him credit for getting himself halfway there though, the principal requests him to play with the team, if not lead them, that being a desperate measure to keep Yuta from withdrawing his club application. Yuta sits before him, pale faced but and dark patches below his eyes. It’s been weeks and Jaehyun’s not back like a movie narrative would say in another world, not that Yuta’s thinking about it.

So Yuta plays a few games at the tournament. They’re going steadily, competing against too many teams and maybe at the last bit Yuta’s slowly losing his mind over winning two games straight for a week each day, going home to study hard at night sometimes wishing he’d have Jaehyun’s neat notes and explanation audios that always stayed in the chat like reliable mini lectures; but there’s no log on his phone anymore.

He tramples all of his nightly thoughts and sleeplessness to the ground while he runs in the stadium. Yuta moves flawlessly, he stands out, not just in his team but in amongst a handful of teams. _Why wouldn’t he,_ Jaehyun thinks, choosing the seat towards the goal post because he’s here to see Yuta play, not let Yuta see him.

He twists his ankle, the game has to go on without him and Jaehyun never knew to this day what the outcome of that match was because he’d hurried down behind Ten to see if Yuta was okay.

He’d just check. Nothing else, no need for ‘hi’s, ‘I’m sorry’s or anything else. Just to check and come back.

Profound amount of cursing comes in from the room while the nurses fix Yuta up. Jaehyun pulls his hoodie over his head and walks by unsuspicious, to see if Yuta was facing the door or not, he wasn’t so it was safe enough for him to take a look inside.

Jaehyun had just meant to peek but instead he found himself unmovable while staring at a the back of Yuta’s head. He can’t make out what Yuta’s murmuring to Ten except for the loud swears of anguish that occasionally break out.

Jaehyun’s face crumples up on hearing Yuta, he wants to cry but then the room falls silent suddenly.

Yuta asks for tissues and Jaehyun’s waist hurts again. He curses his soulmate for crying at a time like this however then he puts two and two together when he hears Ten’s panicked voice.

“Yuta-hyung don’t cry! You’ll be okay, get a hold of yourself.”

Frozen is an understatement for Jaehyun’s standing body embedded to his spot, feeling tingles of pain—Yuta’s pain, as the flowers continue to grow on his waist with every sob echoing out from the room.

There couldn’t be a mistake now. Jaehyun had found his soulmate before he’d even learnt of the phenomenon.

However he felt about this, he knew Yuta wanted a soulmate who understood him and according to him Jaehyun just...didn’t.

The nurse gets out of the room and spots him standing like a creepy eavesdropper he was and immediately says, “What are you doing here? Who—”

Jaehyun sprints. For some reason Yuta feels an unusual presence he hadn’t felt was there before now leaving him.

 

 

Soulmates and lovers are not always the same.

Though they should be, but relationships outside soulmate bonds have been successful, it’s almost as if there was nothing like a soulmate bond in the first place. People are magnificent adaptors considering the absence of time to find theirs.

Relationships _in_ soulmate bonds however, are ironically not always successful.

Most never get flowers except one that marks the cries of birth, so they look for love elsewhere instead of believing that the person they could have loved had already been gone forever. Those who have soulmate marks most often do not find a perfect match, someone who had roses met another with roses but realised that they weren’t soulmates because those roses weren’t imprints of each other’s pain. Flowers have to match between soulmates but there’s an adjacent positioning that varies because the flowers could match with someone else too.

Jaehyun is thinking of all of this while going back to visit his family, his cousin is having her boyfriend over for the first time and she’d asked for emotional support but in reality Jaehyun’s more interested in spilling out cringy stories from their childhood and get some certificates of his friends attested by his dad. College just comes nearer and nearer.

He’s walking down a familiar road thinking of all the cases in which people weren’t soulmates and how some things can be a coincidence but he can’t kid himself anymore.

His soulmate is Yuta, always has been.

He wants to suppress that sinking and tingles in his stomach that makes his chest heave in a latent relief because he doesn’t want to admit that at some point of his life, when he’d complained about how nature should’ve come up with some convenient form of soulmate markers, he’d also wished that all best friends would be soulmates instead.

An unintentional wish of his, that’s come true; and now that it has, Jaehyun doesn’t know what to do with himself.

He stops walking and pulls out his phone, tapping on numbers while humming the tune of them, “Hey mom, yeah I just got back from the stadium—yes I’ll get some tea and mind if I go back to school for a bit?” he nods when she permits him with a half hour limit. Jaehyun is okay with that, he just wants to breathe in a place he’s used to.

Also this strange romantic connotation that he was beginning to attach with his soulmate needed some serious thinking.

Maybe he was thinking about pursuing Yuta because he’d just realised three hours prior that he was his soulmate or was it maybe because he’d always felt that way?

Jaehyun doesn’t want to think about it but he needs to think about it.

He’s got a soulmate bond, a long fight that’s stretching the distance between them and Jaehyun knows Yuta had wanted to keep it that away. He’s got to stay away because he respects Yuta’s decision and of course it’s not like Yuta ever wanted things to go back to how they were but the soulmate bond goes completely against it.

Running away from a soulmate bond can do things to the mind and heart. The farther you are, the more the new tattoos hurt that means every pain your soulmate feels has to do with distance if there is an emotional connection. Jaehyun has fingers clasped under his nose, he needs to think of something—

“School will lock up in an hour,” he hears Ten chirp from where he’s standing a few feet away tying his shoelaces.

“Ah I’m not here to see Yuta-hyung,” Jaehyun says after they’ve exchanged greetings.

Ten sighs a sigh, of all his hopes that Jaehyun had come for that. He says anyway, “Well you should because he wants to see you.” That leaves Jaehyun astonished that Yuta already knew he was back in town.

Maybe if soulmates get some closure, he can walk away from hurting Yuta with his insensitive self all over again, he believes that to be the best measure he can go for right now.

Yuta’s already in front of the gate by the time he reaches there.

He’s standing—Jaehyun’s _soulmate_ is standing right before him and Jaehyun has known himself to never shut up while talking to Yuta but now he’s speechless.

“I’d like you to be quiet while I say what I have—what I think I _should_ say because we’re friends,” Yuta starts, without a beat and he’s not meeting eye to eye. Never has Jaehyun ever heard him speak like that to him but he does what he’s told. Jaehyun listens.

“I’m going back to Japan for college,” Yuta informs him, the tone is so formal, as if he’s reading something out a book. It makes Jaehyun’s stomach drop. “I’m telling you this because you left without explanations and I’m not you,” Yuta finishes, “We’re friends and I won’t hide anything from you.”

“I don’t think you need me as a friend though,” Jaehyun says, fingers tinkering with the barb wire on his left, “I promised myself I won’t get in your way. Bye. Thanks for telling me.”

He lets the wire go with a pluck, looks at Yuta and turns around after a curt nod but he’s pulled back in a strong hug. And then there’s the pain on his waist again.

“Why are you like this? Why do you keep going—I hate that. Don’t. Please,” Yuta mumbles against the back of Jaehyun’s neck and Jaehyun dares not let his own tears fall. He chooses friendship over that silly soulmate bond that’s making him feel like turning around and kissing Yuta’s sobs away.

Jaehyun does turn around though, returning Yuta’s embrace, “I’m sorry, I just...”

“I didn’t mean all of that. I really didn’t. You know how I am I can’t control what I say sometimes and—” Yuta cries again on Jaehyun’s shoulder. The flowers forming on Jaehyun right now hurt the most compared to the other times and he takes in all of Yuta’s pain—of losing the match, of twisting his ankle and Jaehyun can’t bear to see him cry anymore because of him.

Yuta keeps going on, taking Jaehyun’s silence as him not listening. “I’m sorry, I’ll let you know because this is the last time I’ll get to see you—”

“No you’re wrong hyung.”

Yuta looks up, Jaehyun is well fucked over by what his eyes do to him but he gives Yuta his word with determination.

“We’ll meet again, don’t say things like that,” Jaehyun assures him.

At this point Yuta pulls back abruptly, embarrassed at his own emotional outburst. He wipes his nose with his sleeve since Jaehyun had dried up all the tears with his own. Something about that flicks a switch in Jaehyun, he blurts without thinking.

“I’m here until new years, stay over at my place?”

Yuta’s mouth opens in a way that makes Jaehyun regret his question immediately, “I mean you don’t have to, but mom’s making dinner and we—”

“It’s okay, thanks but I have a date right now,” Yuta tells him, words which open a crack in Jaehyun’s heart.

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” Yuta says blushing slightly or maybe it was because of the crying. Jaehyun hopes it was definitely because of the crying. He’s not going to cry himself now, he’s going to keep it all in. He’s not bothered that his soulmate is in love. Heck, he doesn’t even know for sure if he’s in love but Jaheyun should be happy for him. Now that the world has confirmed that they’re platonic soulmates.

“Jeez that’s annoying how did you get someone this fast? I run after crushes for months and I don’t get any dates it’s not fair,” Jaehyun shrugs, his tone cordial and finally, _finally_ Yuta laughs after what feels like years.

“Get a makeover or something, those glasses need to go.”

“They’re stylish excuse you,” Jaehyun sticks his tongue out before he wishes him, “Have fun.”

Yuta gives him a smile that makes him think that he’s fortunate, so very fortunate to have him still smiling like that.

 

 

If the saying that time flies when you’re having fun is true, then Jaehyun’s had way too much fun.

Yuta went to law school, Jaehyun overseas to major in music. He was ecstatic when Yuta, who takes a peculiar dislike to classical music (minus the piano) or sitting for longer than thirty minutes at one place actually showed up at his first concert at Seoul.

“Good job,” he’d said and handed Jaehyun some congratulatory chocolate, “I thought you’d lose all your energy conducting the orchestra,” he adds.

“I thought you wouldn’t come hyung,” Jaehyun says, the high from a first successful event not coming down and Yuta’s presence does nothing but make him happier.

Yuta grins, something about the sheen from the uplighters reflecting in his eyes that has Jaehyun’s breath catching, “Well I told my boyfriend I’d see him after work and I snuck in here.”

“You shouldn’t be keeping secrets from him,” Jaehyun comments, reaching out to pinch Yuta’s nose but Yuta is quick to avoid it, “just introduce us.”

“Hah,” Yuta puts his hands on his hips even when they’re sitting on the empty seats, “I wish.”

“I don’t see why not?”

“First of all,” he pauses with his mouth open, “have you looked at yourself? If my boyfriend had a best friend as hot as you I’d be intimidated as fuck.”

“Couple of years ago you told me I looked like Johnny Bravo,” Jaehyun narrows his stare, with his laugh ringing in the mostly empty hall. He’s already said his words of thanks and encouragement to the orchestra, most of them were his students he’s incredibly proud of them.

“Well that was when you put on those photo chromatic glasses I’m glad I forced all the carrots on you,” Yuta makes Jaehyun laugh again with the circles he makes over his eyes to emphasise, and then he remembers to checks his watch, getting up, “I gotta go before Taeyong comes home, he’ll see me in a tux and think it’s the Yuta from another dimension.”

“Thank you for making an effort to dress up today, I honestly expected you to come in sweatpants and a tank top,” and Yuta whacks Jaehyun for jabbing at his habitual bad dressing.

“Only you have the pass to think so lowly of me. Bye.”

“Introduce me to Taeyong next time!” Jaehyun calls as Yuta exits hurriedly.

_“Fuck no!”_

There’s a smile like always on Jaehyun’s face, nobody can tell if it’s a sad one or a happy one and sometimes even he can’t tell, unable to sort out his emotions after seeing his soulmate. Yuta’s not his but if he’s happy in someone else’s arms Jaehyun doesn’t mind. He can live with this.

He runs his palm over the fabric of his shirt, underneath which lay his soulmate tattoos.

He can convince himself forever that he can live with this.

 

 

The worst fate to the tale of his life that Yuta thinks could be, would be the probability of him finding his actual soulmate looming over, because what Yuta expects from a soulmate is just someone who understands not some fairy tale romance story. It’s risky to fall for a soulmate, it’s terrible to fall hard enough to destroy you and Yuta doesn’t want his mind and spirit to go to any other person, he doesn’t want to belong to any other person. No particular reasons for him to have that bag of guarded opinions but it’s very difficult for him to trust his peers and clients at work. Maybe that’s what makes him a good attorney but not a good lover.

It’s not like he doesn’t have exceptions regarding people he trusts, he does. There’s Jaehyun, there’s Ten and strangely Kun who turned out to be the best lab partner plus couple of dorky juniors from college and Winwin.

Yuta’s happy to be dating Taeyong, he’s finally dealing with his chronic problem of rarely opening up to people and for the first time he feels like he doesn’t have to think about soulmates at all.

That is, until he realises his boyfriend had already found his.

 

 

“It’s six thirty” Ten whines in harmony with the growl of his stomach as Yuta is setting up plates for dinner, “can I eat already? I’m hungry.”

“How dare you behave this way when I’m trying to nurse my broken heart? And it’s six twenty nine, not thirty hold it for a minute,” Yuta chides and sees Winwin biting his whimper about hunger back too.

“So you’re gonna starve us until _Jaehyun’s_ here right? In front of all this delicious food?” Ten complains, pointing to the glistening dishes that are smelling too good to not be mouth watering.

“The breakup special,” Lucas adds with a grin and the door tings, “That’s hyung!...I think?”

When Lucas gets the door after being nudged by Yuta’s foot to do so, it is indeed Jaehyun, hair soaked a little due to drizzle and flowers in hand.

Yuta waits for him to come in view and deadpans, “WHY YOU DINGUS” when Jaehyun hands him stinking flowers yet again. Their tradition of giving each other those rooted in the customary duty to annoy each other because neither liked flowers. Jaehyun heartily chuckles in response as he squeezes in between Winwin and Ten, “so what’s the emergency? I honestly thought Yuta-hyung broke his leg or something until Ten-hyung texted me it you didn’t.”

“You sound pretty disappointed,” Yuta bites his lip patronizingly and Jaehyun grins, he loves that annoyed face, “but I’ve called upon a small gathering to—” he is promptly interrupted by Ten and Winwin slurping in ramen. The rest of them just stare, unblinking.

“Ten,” Yuta breathes out, “you’re an asshole.”

“Winwin was eating too—” he says with his mouth full.

“—I said what I said.”

Ten sticks his tongue out and continues eating. Jaehyun momentarily checks down his shirt if it got drenched too but he feels dry and okay. The unrelenting rain’s making it cold enough for Winwin to leave to get everyone blankets. Lucas is quick to shove aside some plates and puts his books on the table.

“Yuta-hyung, I really need you to teach me for my exam chapter one is really—”

“—and the magic word is?” Yuta asks him in his hyung voice.

Lucas’ eye twitches, “Taeyong hyung shouldn’t have done that and you deserve better? I dunno just teach me, I’m not good with Japanese or magic words.”

By this time Jaehyun helps himself with some of that matcha cheesecake kept in the centre. He’d missed great food while being gone due to work.

Yuta flips through the utterly blank exercise book and too thick of a text book beside them, “When the fuck is your exam...you’ve got _a lot_ to do.”

Lucas laughs nervously, “Tomorrow?”

Yuta raises his eyebrow, “You sure it’s tomorrow or are you going to be that dumb kid who goes to school thinking it’s an exam but it’s actually on the next day, hm?”

The boy straightens himself, mentally noting to mug up the exam schedule, “Yes it’s tomorrow. And I’m gonna fail. So please help me.”

“Eat first,” Yuta says because there’s nothing productive about a hungry child, “Jaehyun the dessert is for everyone don’t eat it all! _Hey!”_

 

Every time Yuta has a breakup, rather than mope he chooses instead to celebrate it, in the acknowledgment that he has other people who have loved him and have stayed by his side (though after tonight he might just kick Ten out of the group for licking the plate clean of any takoyaki before Yuta could’ve gotten his hands on them). Hence the great food and movies afterwards. It’s just something he does out of love, Yuta treating the kids to food and helping them study. Jaehyun guesses nothing much has changed since he moved to Italy last November. He didn’t even know Yuta had broken up with Taeyong to begin with.

 _But everything will be alright,_ Jaehyun thinks, another part of him saying, _now’s your chance!_ But Jaehyun is not listening to the devil on his shoulder, unplugging the takoyaki machine harshly and standing there before it for ten minutes to calm down.

Yuta gets over people as easily and as fast as he falls for them, if Jaehyun’s not counting the depth and length of those relationships. He can’t count how many Yuta has had but he’s somewhat an yearly dater judging by that and his ex-boyfriend’s insecurity issues it’s strange that Yuta and Taeyong actually stuck together for long.

Plucking out enough takoyaki for Yuta since he’d gotten none, (well, no one except Ten had gotten any) Jaehyun heads to the living room. The horror movie credits keep rolling like an endless ocean of words, it’s not late but with the lights switched out and early sleepers Ten and Winwin already sprawled on Yuta’s bed in the next room, Jaehyun’s brain is tricking him into going to sleep too. He’d just gotten to Korea, he’s had a rough flight.

Yuta is holding his head in his hands when Jaehyun switches on the side lamp after placing their food.

“Yuta. Hey, what’s wrong?” he becomes worried in an instant, the honorific slipping away but then he knows there are tears flowing down Yuta’s eyes because there are flowers branching out on his waist.

Jaehyun knows every step it takes to carefully calm him down, he can do it best and in a way that it doesn’t agitate Yuta. He can’t ask him more than he wants to tell.

A thing about these post break up hangouts that Jaehyun can’t bear to see, is that Yuta keeps smiling for everyone but he saves the tears for Jaehyun.

He shifts towards him on the couch, wrapping an arm on his best friend’s shoulder. Yuta turns to meet Jaehyun’s eyes wearily before flattening his palms over his face and sighing. Jaehyun’s grip tightens.

“I told him I loved him and he asked me to wait,” Yuta puts it as short as possible, “the next time I see him at a party, he’s married. Jaehyun, tell me who does that?”

Jaehyun pulls him closer, pats his head while Yuta lets more tears fall. For once Jaehyun doesn’t mind the pain of heartbreak etching itself on him because it’s bearable compared to that pain when Yuta had cried for him. He rejects all thoughts because they make him think it means something when it clearly doesn’t. As a best friend, Jaehyun’s job is to ease Yuta’s pain and that’s what he’s going to do.

“People who’re dying to get their asses whooped I reckon,” he replies and Yuta smiles faintly not at the attempt of the joke but at the fact that after months Jaehyun is here and he does exactly what Yuta had imagined he would comfort him with. There’s something hilarious and endearing in that familiarity.

“I’m okay now,” Yuta nods quietly and Jaehyun focuses, focuses to remember this closeness. Every time he asks himself how long he can hurt without telling Yuta he thinks he can when they’re together like this, but then the feeling that he can’t grows along with it.

Lucas trips out from the study room, “YUTA-HYUNG—oh um,” he sees them cuddled on the couch, “I just wanted to say that Jungwoo-hyung’s gonna pick me up at midnight. I’ll jump from the balcony if you fall asleep and...continue with whatever you were doing I’ll just...go...quietly.”

“We are not dating, Lucas,” Yuta laughs and the boy peeps back with an are-you-sure look which is soon met with Yuta’s expert cushion aim.

“Strike!,” Jaehyun declares proudly, “that’s ten points.” Yuta turns to him with his mouth twisting upwards.

“Are you kidding me that’s fifty points don’t you ever wanna throw a something at his annoying handsome face.”

 

 

Jaehyun meets an opera singer while he’s at his friend Rodrigo’s house in Venice.

The singer is nice, his voice gives him chills, he communicates well and strangely speaks Korean enough to explain some complex sentences to him. He finds himself meeting him often when he goes over to discuss a new piece with Rodrigo.

Not so soon but soon enough, he asks him out for brunch.

Jaehyun refuses without consideration. There’s a moment of his shock and also some from his good friend’s part who was rooting for them. He’s asked a reason and then he says, “I have a soulmate.” So he politely understands.

Even Rodrigo questions him about who his soulmate was over drinks at night, to which Jaehyun pours himself one more and shrugs just to rile him up. The curiosity is short lived as his friend goes on about how awkward it would be now that Jaehyun had done that to one of the leads of his operetta instead. Jaehyun tunes out the drunken slurs, says he needs to go home and drags his curving legs enough to make them walk somehow.

He knows he’s got a soulmate, he’s got recognition in his career, he’s got almost everything he could want. Most people don’t get half of what they dream of so Jaehyun deems himself in a position where he can’t complain.

Jaehyun bends his head over the railing, the glass of whisky tumbles down onto the floor.

He can’t be with Yuta and the world is mocking him it seems.

 

 

Jaehyun has planned to tell him. Though that plan doesn’t get anywhere beyond the point of initiation. He’s bought a ring, but he hasn’t thought what he’ll do with it. By far Lucas is the only one who has a whiff of what’s going on, which is well, _nothing_ but he’s been dropping impromptu at Yuta’s place ever since a little bird told him that Jaehyun was back in Korea and staying over.

Jaehyun heaves out a pathetic sigh. It’s been too many years, a decade or more who knows he’s lost count and doesn’t even want to go back to count. He’s hopeless and he’s in love but can only stand by and watch the object of his affections run around giving pieces of his heart to everyone else but him.

He was sure he could live with this, he was absolutely sure. There is nothing that can stop him from breaking his resolve to love Yuta in a such a manner that Yuta wouldn’t find it bothersome or that he would think that Jaehyun’s getting in his way.

His thoughts make him forget that he’s to stir the milk and he figures he can’t take his own mind hammering from inside so he turns the stove off, places his hands on the counter. He’s all alone, with Yuta gone away to get groceries (that being the only kitchen related job Yuta is capable of doing). Jaehyun guesses his coffee can wait.

He asks himself why he can’t tell Yuta that he’s his soulmate, why he’s so afraid of consequences as if there would be any, but most of all he asks himself why he was expecting something—something like his feelings getting returned when being soulmates doesn’t guarantee any of that. His chest hurts, he gasps, he’s been holding all of this in for too long.

Jaehyun finally breaks. Before he knows it, he’s crying, with a lot of his tears that fall down his cheeks and onto kitchen counter.

So preoccupied in his own pain, he doesn’t hear Yuta entering the kitchen. So when he hears a plastic bag rustle as it descends on the kitchen island, he turns, like an idiot.

Yuta stares at his tears, baffled. Jaehyun quickly wipes them in panic and hoping to get an escape but the door is right past Yuta and he gets flung by the front of his shirt.

Dragging him to the wall, Yuta pins him against it aggressively, pulls his apron off and begins unbuttoning his shirt with the most angered if not otherwise inexplicable expression Jaehyun has ever seen him wear.

He can feel Yuta’s fury by the force at which he’s trying to get Jaehyun’s shirt to open, no words are exchanged. Jaehyun doesn’t even bother protesting of struggling away because he’s caught. Any second now, Yuta would know of the secret Jaehyun’s been hiding under his skin.

Yuta sees calla lilies on Jaehyun, when he pulls the shirt aside.

The same calla lilies he has on the left line of his waist. His eyes remain transfixed on them for as long as his mind refuses to operate due to the shock.

“They’re little,” Yuta comments dryly about most of them. _So this is what my tears look like._

“That’s all your going to say?” Jaehyun asks him, his voice is going higher from how loudly he’s been breathing because Yuta hasn’t backed up, they’re still close enough to get shivers from each word they say.

“No,” and there, Yuta slowly turns even angrier, “You knew didn’t you?”

Jaehyun shuts his mouth, lets a minute pass to make Yuta figure out. There were flowers growing on Yuta’s waist when he stepped into the kitchen only to find a Jaehyun crying and then realising his best friend was the soulmate he’d been hoping never showed up. And Jaehyun knew all along.

“Since when?”

“Senior high, final year,” Jaehyun truthfully tells him. Yuta drags palms over his own face and laughs. It’s pained and it hurts Jaehyun but what has he got to lose now? It’s best if they veer off to an argument, then Jaehyun can put his feelings to rest.

Yuta’s unemotional laugh was just the calm before the immediate storm. He grabs Jaehyun’s collar and presses him even further to the wall, “And you didn’t think about telling me? _Not even once?”_

“As if it mattered.”

“Of course it mattered idiot!”

“I already knew you didn’t want me as your soulmate so I didn’t say anything and look! We’ve lived our lives perfectly so far because of that decision!”

“I never said—” then Yuta remembers, “Jaehyun that was _highschool_ and I was mad at you.”

“Well you’re mad at me now, what’s the difference? I’m not—”

“Fuck that, you still could’ve told me at least!”

“There was no point! You don’t like me!”

An indirect confession, that’s really the best Jaehyun can do. He’s truly pitiable.

Yuta clears his throat, the rage cooling down for a bit, “Is that why you bought me a ring?”

Jaehyun bites back, “Oh so now you were snooping around my stuff? Really hyung—” he tries to struggle away but Yuta steps in closer, blocking him successfully. He’s stuck in a place where he has to answer questions he doesn’t like.

“Well if you have a red box with ‘for Yuta-hyung’ tagged on it how do you expect me to not see it? Just—jeez why don’t you ever tell me things?”

“I didn’t tell you I was your soulmate because I didn’t think it was necessary and I was right,” Jaehyun finishes with a sour smile, turning to the left to move but Yuta’s fist is right next to his head.

“You could’ve told me you liked me!”

“You think that was easy?” Jaehyun shouts, “you think I didn’t fucking try? Every single time I wanted to tell you how I felt, you were in love with someone else!”

Yuta retracts his arms, falling silent.

He takes as step back and it lets Jaehyun know that he’s done yelling at him. He looks almost apologetic, like he’ll cry but he’s doing his best not to.

“I’m not.”

“What?” Jaehyun asks him to repeat because he’s not sure he heard him properly. Yuta averts his gaze, grasps one his elbows and speaks a little louder than before.

“I’m not in love with anyone else now...if that means anything to you,” Yuta confesses and stands there, waiting for Jaehyun to reply.

“Oh,” is all Jaehyun says.

“Yeah,” Yuta nods.

“Hyung you’re turning red.”

“Not as much as you.”

“This is...really embarrassing.”

“I know...urgh. Let’s—this conversation did not happen.”

“I agree. It’s too embarrassing.”

“Yup. So everything’s normal and back to what it was.”

“Cool.”

“Cool.”

Yuta turns to the counter, unloading all the ice cream tubs from the plastic. He’s going to have to clear some from the fridge because it’s getting too full. Jaehyun fans his face, disbelief written in red over it. Try as they can, they can’t help thinking the same thing.

_He loves me...back._

At some point Yuta has to move towards the fridge and his eyes meet Jaehyun’s. Their gazes melt their earlier resolve faster than they move towards each other.

There’s no explanation behind the instinctive movement of their legs, stopping only when they’ve collided—kisses that have their teeth clattering at first, courtesy of Yuta. Jaehyun’s lips are soft and Yuta’s are not but neither care, they keep pressing to feel more. Yuta takes his time with running his hands down Jaehyun’s bare chest and then the soulmate marks, he lowers the pace, breathes in, grins into the kiss, giddy while returning Jaehyun’s hungry nips.

Jaehyun smiles back too, Yuta doesn’t have to open his eyes to know.

“Oh my gosh,” they hear a coarse voice and turn towards the door. It’s Lucas, a very traumatised Lucas.

“Not dating my ass,” he says and exits the kitchen like he’s done with his life.

 

 

“What are you going to do tomorrow?” Yuta asks while laying his head on Jaehyun’s lap, opening his mouth to accept the chips he feeds him.

“Salon and then to my mom. Oh and she wants to meet you, wanna come?”

“Sure. It’s not like I’ve better things to do, there’s this cop that’s been bothering me at trials recently and I really hate the sight of him.”

“Why?” Jaehyun laughs.

“Winwin gets distracted. One time he dropped all my papers and laptop bag because that detective just smiled at him. Can you imagine.”

“Who knows, they might be soulmates,” Jaehyun says and feeds Yuta another chip.

“Well then I’m firing Winwin I don’t care if I’ve practically raised him, he can’t do shit in my firm if he gets distracted by strangers. Strangers who are very hot, have great hair and are cops. Mostly because they are cops.”

Jaehyun chuckles and they fall into perfectly compatible silence, until Yuta gets up and stares at him, “You know you should take me out on a date though.” Jaehyun spits out his drink.

“A date?” he laughs, stroking a down Yuta’s torso as they huddle closer.

“Yes Jaehyun, a date. Normal couple stuff, ever heard of that?”

“Nah I won’t,” Jaehyun blurts and Yuta pinches his arm, appearing offended enough for Jaehyun to explain, “if I take you to a fair, you’ll get lost and don’t say no that’s happened way too many times for you to argue with me—and if I take you to a restaurant we’ll get bored and if we go to a movie, you’ll shove your hand down my pants.”

“That was one time! I wouldn’t do that in a public place...” Yuta whines.

“Yes you would.”

“Yes I would,” Yuta agrees begrudgingly, “you squeal in a really cute way.”

Jaehyun fights his blush, turning away for a second and then nervously propositions, “I know we can’t go to a fair, or the movies or a restaurant so how about Italy?”

Yuta forgets to blink for a while. “You want me to go to Italy.”

“Venice, specifically, one very long date,” he replies, sealing it with a grin.

“I can hear some terms and conditions coming,” Yuta squints his eyes sceptically much to Jaehyun’s amusement.

“We’ll see about those when we get there,” Jaehyun pecks his lips and gets up after checking his watch. It was almost time to cook supper.

“What do you mean—I haven’t even agreed!”

“I packed our bags too,” Jaehyun tells him cheekily, disappearing into the kitchen.

“What the— _Jung Jaehyun get back here!”_

 

 

Yuta doesn’t believe how the week passes without him noticing. At the same time, he can make a long list of movies, shows and anime he and Jaehyun have watched at home. That’s probably all they’ve been doing along with working, cleaning and making out and in between. _Lots_ of the last one. Yuta’s discovered that Jaehyun likes being pinned down and by now Yuta’s successfully done that on pretty much every flat surface available at home. He’s is supposed to be back any minute now and then they’d go to his place.

Everything about dating his soulmate has been so different to Yuta. He feels happier, he hasn’t felt that in a while. Yuta has never found it in himself to actually _love_ someone, it seems like a big word though four-lettered. Sometimes he wonders why he didn’t think this whole soulmate thing through, sometimes he answers his own questions by saying he’d been too preoccupied with Jaehyun to ever feel a gap in his heart.

Maybe he’d always been sort of in love, if that’s how you put it these days. They’re just making up for lost couple time, Yuta guesses. He hears him come in.

“What took you so long— _what the fuck is that?”_ Yuta’s complaint shrills at the end because Jaehyun a few brown highlights and a puffier blob of locks.

“I wanted to try something new,” Jaehyun says exasperatingly, gesturing to the door and they lock the house heading over to the car.

“Yeah right, something new being cookie hair,” Yuta snickers, “can I touch it?”

“No.”

“Please?”

“Urgh.”

And Yuta drove with one hand on the wheel and the other in Jaehyun’s hair for the entire ride, except when he had to change gears. They do not talk about the judgemental stares from the traffic policemen.

 

 

Rodrigo’s a pretty awesome guy, Yuta comes to know when he and Jaehyun are invited over by him. He somehow knew they’d be too tired to book a hotel at this hour and had come to pick them up. Yuta couldn’t have been more thankful to have a responsible adult after almost missing his previous flight. Jaehyun and Rodrigo babble in Italian and Yuta mostly ends up clicking pictures.

He tells them, there’s a whole bunch of rooms upstairs that they can use while he’d prefer that they’d join him for drinks later in the night. Yuta agrees and then watches Jaehyun vigorously rub his temples when Rodrigo’s gone.

“Don’t even think about going,” Jaehyun warns, when Yuta questions as to why Jaehyun simply answers, “you don’t wanna know.”

Yuta, inauspiciously goes against whatever Jaehyun has to say every time. Having him as a boyfriend changes nothing because Yuta is still older and if a fine world famous composer invites him over for drinks, he’s gonna go. Strange liquor down his throat and a peek into a side room with something he shouldn’t have seen and feeling lost in translation because there’s no Jaehyun to do the work, Yuta can’t keep up and it’s been ten minutes. He politely excuses himself.

He skips stairs and hurries inside, whatever he’d drunk was too sweet and maybe he’s a bit lightheaded after he catches his breath and he’s going to stretch for a while before joining Jaehyun to sleep, deciding to impart the details of the night the next morning.

By ‘stretch for a while’ Yuta had meant he’d just touch his toes or lie on the floor with his legs up for a while but he doesn’t realise when he’s down to a number of push ups with concentration unbroken until he finds Jaehyun, very awake though sleepy, looking on from the bedroom door.

“Is that mine?” Yuta immediately asks gesturing to Jaehyun’s too tight tank top.

“Yes it is, you want it back?” Jaehyun replies and Yuta gets up, falling on the piano stool near him.

“Okay that’s a trick question,” he replies and Jaehyun’s lips curve up just as another one of his dorky mannerisms but Yuta ends up finding it sexy anyway.

“So...” Jaehyun asks, bed hair and everything and squeezing on the piano stool right beside Yuta and arranging notation sheets before him, “had fun?”

“Not in the least,” Yuta says, but he kind of wants to dash back because Jaehyun lifts the piano and begins dribbling his fingers in a melody.

“Don’t worry I won’t ask,” Jaehyun chuckles, “though I should’ve told you about the language barrier and the alcohol and everything.”

“You just want to say ‘I told you so’ without sounding cocky but you’re already doing it—”

“I told you so,” Jaehyun cheekily grins, making Yuta turn away because he blushed instantly and in no way was he going to let Jaehyun gloat anymore this night.

He wraps an arm around him as Jaehyun fills the nightly silence with gentle music, though Yuta has no explanation except sorcery for how Jaehyun’s playing the piano with his head lying on Yuta’s shoulder.

“I didn’t know you still work out,” Jaehyun remarks casually derailing Yuta from the act of staring at the veins of his bare arms.

“Well it takes effort to keep you staring at me,” Yuta replies with a squeeze on Jaehyun’s waist and he presses a wrong key, turning to object.

“I do _not_ stare.”

Yuta raises an eyebrow.

“Okay maybe I do,” Jaehyun corrects himself, fiddling with his sheets. Yuta gets up, laughing and squeezes his shoulders from behind, bending to whisper _‘I like that’_ in his ear before dragging him by the arm to sleep.

Jaehyun reaches forward in the hallway and kisses him soundly, pulling Yuta’s lips to open his mouth and make him hum in satisfaction with their tongues laving. He pouts when Yuta pulls back almost immediately.

“Jaehyun...we need to sleep,” he says with Jaehyun relentlessly kissing him in between words. Two hands that had cupped his face earlier now trail down and reluctantly push Jaehyun down to the bed to sleep, “You’re tired. I’m tired okay?”

Jaehyun nods in understanding despite frowning without realising it. He hugs Yuta, almost covering him completely like a shield and Yuta doesn’t feel crushed under the weight because this is the usual for them.

“Tomorrow morning,” is all Jaehyun says, very bitterly exhaling against Yuta’s shoulder.

“Alright I get it,” Yuta smiles with promise.

Though in the morning, both know Yuta would have rotated three sixty degrees and Jaehyun would be on the verge of falling of the bed.

Neither mind, they’ve never found anything about each other that they mind at all.

 

 

“When you said _let’s go to Japan_ I wasn’t expecting this,” Jaehyun whines and Yuta is close to whacking him with all their luggage for three days onto his head just to make him shut up.

“I wasn’t bringing you along in the first place; you’re the one who kept haranguing me, now eat that carrot,” Yuta pushes a carrot that he’d just gotten right into Jaehyun’s face. The day had been tiresome, not for Yuta but for his boyfriend who wasn’t used to Yuta’s yearly routine of helping his cousin’s grandma with her vegetable garden. A garden large enough to be called a farm, apparently.

One hour after being on road and Jaehyun decided he’d help Yuta with the work proceeding to find out that he really didn’t have the stamina for all of this. On top of it all they had to carry their luggage up to another place instead of staying at grandma’s though she politely offered but it would’ve been nicer if Yuta hadn’t chosen such a high location.

“Okay we’re here,” he says unceremoniously and Jaehyun is left standing before the scariest house he’s ever seen.

“Don’t you just stand there, get moving,” Yuta says, fiddling with the lock and then catches a glimpse of Jaehyun’s paler than usual face, “if you don’t want to stay, grandma’s right down the turning.”

Jaehyun lies, “I’m fine...”

Yuta turns the key, his mouth twisting into an unimpressed grimace, “I told you this part of the year is a boring trip just for helping her out, that’s why I didn’t want to bring you. I’ve no one I know who lives nearby and grandma’s been nice enough to arrange for this house.”

“Is it even a house?” Jaehyun asks once they move all their things inside because the walls are stacked with books and there are an awful lot of tea kettles. Not too many but Jaehyun hasn’t seen more than ten at once so he’s quite fascinated.

“It used to be bookstore,” then Yuta laughs while pulling the doors to the back apart, “neighbourhood kids say it’s haunted.”

Jaehyun freezes to the core. He can handle this.

They spend the entire evening dusting and preparing for dinner at the end, the middle spent in Jaehyun pulling out random books and Yuta reading it out for him with his translation mode on fire. The illustrations are beautiful in the books that do have them and Jaehyun clicks a picture when Yuta is too engrossed in them.

Something about the orange lights of the beautiful evening falling on his hair makes Jaehyun unconsciously reach out to touch but then Yuta gets too excited and moves away without realising Jaehyun had already retracted his hand, let alone reached out.

They talk about what they’d do tomorrow and Yuta asks Jaehyun if he could help him make some Korean food for grandma to try to which Jaehyun jocundly comments Yuta would be no help at all in the first place, needless to say he gets hit.

Night comes, for some reason Yuta pulls out two separate futons to fluff out and they sleep.

Well, at least one of them does.

Jaehyun’s eyes are watering but he can’t manage to look to his left or right, no amount of horror movie fright sequences have prepared him for this. He takes a deep breath.

He can handle it.

The winds rustle loudly through the branches of the trees in the backyard. Jaehyun squiggles over under Yuta’s blanket and Yuta begins punching the intruder in his sleep until he finally feels it to be too bready and consequently wakes up.

“Jaehyun what the fuck.”

“I’m scared.”

“Great now _I’m_ not gonna be able to sleep,” Yuta groans and clears his throat. Jaehyun whimpers and circles his waist with his arms while Yuta sits up to contemplate.

“I really thought someone was there...” Jaehyun fake cries, hoping Yuta might share his futon though there’s no way they would fit comfortably.

Yuta sighs, “Where are the condoms?”

Jaehyun’s head snaps up, “What?”

“I asked you where you’ve kept the condoms.”

“In the...bag?”

Jaehyun can feel Yuta rolling his eyes even though the room is pitch black, “Of course they’re in the bag Jaehyun...or are you lying to me because you didn’t bring any? Because I swear I get one week off in the entire year and you don’t bring condoms—”

“My bag’s at the end of the room,” Jaehyun interrupts, clutching onto him tightly.

“Well then come on,” Yuta says foraging for his phone and turning the flashlight on, Jaehyun sticks to him while Yuta looks around for the bag.

“This one?” he asks once he’s found one thrown off very intelligently right beside a mirror and it’s freaking both of them out.

“Yeah, third chain,” Jaehyun whispers and Yuta slaps his butt making him yell, “WHY HYUNG NOT THERE!”

“You’re cute,” Yuta giggles, pinching his nose lightly, handing Jaehyun the things.

“I’m not cute I’m actually very sexy,” Jaehyun corrects him in a manner that teacher’s do.

“Yeah yeah ‘not cute’ equals ‘sexy’ all of a sudden,” Yuta rolls his eyes and guides them back to the futons, pushing Jaehyun down on the bed to crush their lips together; just one of the things that Jaehyun loves being that Yuta is never hesitant, always assertive. He doesn’t need to hear it to know when Yuta wants him.

Jaehyun angles him down over him to let his lips graze over Yuta’s pale neck, making him let out a shaky breath. Jaehyun murmurs, “Yup. That’s how it is,” against his lips, his eyes darkening enough to show that his intentions were nowhere near conversing right now.

Yuta smirks, voice raspy as he mumbles, “Well, you learn something new every day,” before pushing Jaehyun’s shirt up, mouth dragging lower and lower until he’s disappeared under the blanket and between his legs.

 

 

“You’re... _not cute,”_ is what Yuta gasps out the next morning, with Jaehyun buried to the hilt inside of him, their gazes meeting. He tilts his head to kiss Yuta’s hand was stroking his cheek, staring at him like his existence qualifies on the same level as phoenix tears or something.

Jaehyun revels in the praise (indirect but praise nonetheless), thrusting harsher; there’re just these weird ways in which Yuta prefers to say ‘I love you’ and Jaehyun gets it.

Later when they’re in the shower Jaehyun will leave a kiss over his soulmate marks, hoping Yuta gets his way of saying it too.

 

 

“You good?”

“No,” Jaehyun says to Yuta’s reflection in the mirror. The hairdresser asks Yuta to step aside for a second and his eyes follow Yuta as he sits down on the chair beside.

“You could at least lie to me,” Yuta crosses his arms. Jaehyun isn’t usually this impatient but waits for his hair to get done faster, biting his lips when Yuta turns around in the mirror see if his suit’s okay.

“I’m really not okay,” he tells him as they make their way backstage, everything seems perfect and to Jaehyun it’s another day of him conducting his orchestra, making sure everything is okay even Rodrigo’s here to cheer him on with gifts and flowers.

“Stop that,” Yuta turns his head front, “look at me. You can’t be nervous.”

Jaehyun exhales, lights shining brightly over his light brown locks and Yuta smiles to make his jitters go away. He brushes off invisible dirt from his shoulders Jaehyun looks down. Yuta’s never been willing to stick around for an entire performance like this, he’s been patient, staying with Jaehyun through the long practice sessions and now here—he doesn’t want to screw this up.

“I’m okay,” Jaehyun shakes his head.

“You’ll do well,” Yuta pets his hair, the shine in his eyes that sets Jaehyun’s heart pounding, “you’ll do your best Maestro.”

The way Yuta calls him maestro really makes Jaehyun want to ban it from his existence lest he should lose his mind but Yuta’s thumb strokes his ear and he leaves a kiss on Jaehyun’s forehead.

Jaehyun walks over to the stage, his confident walk interrupted a few times to get his makeup fixed and the audience sits in anticipation for the symphony while Yuta stands by the sides with a bottle of water ready in hand when Jaehyun would be done, wondering how on earth he thought Rodrigo wouldn’t translate the name of the piece for him. Some things are too obvious.

He smiles, thinking of the time when—what were they like seven or eight? He can’t recall well but he’d watched Jaehyun poke his fingers on a piano for the first time the charm that he kept insisting that he had finally reaching Yuta’s heart. And to think they’re soulmates, together and Yuta can’t help but feel he’d missed something important when he thinks about how long they’d been on different pages.

Jaehyun raises his arms, back towards the audience. Blinding lights everywhere, one even shining directly onto Yuta’s eyes but to him Jaehyun is dazzling, sparkling even probably with inbuilt special effects of his own or maybe this is that moment when he steps back and realises he’s in love.

Yuta has a lot of those moments.

**Author's Note:**

> funstuff:  
> \- yuta has expressed that he wants to go to Italy  
> \- this started as a yutae fic but idk it didn’t work  
> \- Rodrigo and composer!Jaehyun are very obviously Mozart in the jungle references ~~it’s is one of my favourite shows btw~~  
> 


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